How to Figure Out What You Really Want | Ashley Stahl | TEDxLeidenUniversity

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Have you ever wondered what you actually want? Then join Ashley Stahl-career coach, author, former counterterrorism and podcast host- as she shares her 3 key steps to help you connect to your life's purpose, discover your ideal career path, and make what she likes to call a "You Turn," the decision to get out of fear and tap into to what you actually want out of life. She hosts inspirational guests each week on her show, "the You Turn Podcast", with the intention of helping her listeners upgrade their mindset both in work and love, and land a new job they love. Ashley Stahl is a counterterrorism professional turned podcaster, forthcoming author, and career coach who helps clients find their purpose, build their confidence, and launch successful service-based businesses. Ashley also hosts inspirational guests each week on her show, the You Turn Podcast, with the intention of helping listeners work on themselves, raise their confidence-all while taking life less seriously.
Ashley’s been named a “Top 99 Foreign Policy Leader Under 33” by Diplomatic Courier Magazine and Young Professionals in Foreign Policy. She’s a columnist for Forbes, and her work has been featured on the Wall Street Journal, CBS, SELF, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune and more.
Ashley earned her Master’s degree in IR from King’s College London, and another Master’s in Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica. She holds a BA from University of Redlands in government, history and French. She's a fluent French speaker, and intermediate in Arabic. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at

Yoonie Min
Yoonie Min Il y a 11 heures
Wait what happened... like was the whole thing fake? The sisters ok? I’m so confused
Robert G
Robert G Il y a 18 heures
This seemed pretty vague to me
pauline namion
pauline namion Il y a jour
Devendra Alimchandani
Devendra Alimchandani Il y a jour
Ashley - Great job on articulating the story and getting core messages across. Is your point "Follow your freedom, instead of Follow your passion?" - how would you differentiate these two ?
CoachAshleyStahl Il y a 20 heures
A passion is an interest you have-- freedom is based on what simply makes you feel a sense of expansion in your life.
vaneph Il y a jour
This is EXACTLY what I'm looking for. THANK YOU!
Gigi Levit
Gigi Levit Il y a jour
Maybe the kidnappers do that because "they have to pay their bills". I never saw this coming.
BarefootandTan barefootandtan
BarefootandTan barefootandtan Il y a jour
~W~O~W~ (wipes tears)
Tt Snowva
Tt Snowva Il y a 2 jours
“Often we kidnap ourselves from the lives we actually want”
TVD IS AMAZING Il y a 2 jours
I know what I want but I can't have it 🤷🏻‍♀️
Shirali Agrawal
Shirali Agrawal Il y a 3 jours
I loved your speech very much.I am a mother and always love to be around the kids to help them keep them healthy happy safe peaceful. I am a homemaker but it does not bring money. I feel earning is also imp.but I cannot decide what work i should do.thats why I saw your vedio.
Saurabh Tewari
Saurabh Tewari Il y a 3 jours
I dream of Becoming a scientist and giving my whole life for the betterment of humanity but in my country Research is not a good carrier option. A better carrier option would be to become a doctor but how would I become a doctor if I can't even see blood without getting drizzled.
reema 6
reema 6 Il y a 3 jours
the most distant from him is reality
Dirk Katz
Dirk Katz Il y a 3 jours
Dear, now the cause of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is found: radiation of microwave-oven(magnetron). To stop you have to eliminate the oven out of the house.Attention: radiation goes through walls, it can come from your neighbours. The plug out of electricity net because the oven has also radiation when it is not in use.And out of the house because the oven has a high voltage capacitor. The distance between an oven and a person is very important.After a 3 months without microwaves health becomes better. The victims are more sensible and also the distance between victim and oven is important.After long time obesity is possible. (Also possible: nightmares, change of character)Most people with a microwave arent chronically ill because some people are more sensitive for microwaves, also the distance person/microwave is very important. The oven in another place is more safe. The radiation become less when the oven gets older.Some ovens give less radiation then others. In Russia the less radiation is allowed by law. I had much very positive reactions, some people recovered entirely. Sometimes not because it was being tired through other causes or diseases,not the real cfs.Take everyday a vitamin D supplement because almost everyone have to little.(attention: it cures only CFS,not other diseases with fatigue)
YT Dusty McRae
YT Dusty McRae Il y a 4 jours
I honestly don’t believe your story
Darian Schnose
Darian Schnose Il y a 5 jours
I was really hoping she'd comment on the ironic "perfectionsim" 16:55
ColargolPL Il y a 5 jours
"Clarity comes from action, not thought". NO. You can act blindly, and remain blind. Maybe power comes from action, but clarity comes from insight, and this often comes through thinking.
Jacob Lopez
Jacob Lopez Il y a 3 jours
She meant to do whatever the thing you want to do so that you know if it is right for you. So that way you can get insight.
Ella Stilton
Ella Stilton Il y a 5 jours
I cried so much
Furry Fungus
Furry Fungus Il y a 5 jours
Follow what your body tells you. Since I was a little girl, I would ALWAYS get stomach aches right before something bad happened. After many years of physical discomfort, I have improved my intuition. Unfortunately I still get stomach aches often! Thank goodness for ginger root! Any input on ridding myself of my ailment is appreciated.
limaienla Aier
limaienla Aier Il y a 6 jours
Reghardt Möller
Reghardt Möller Il y a 6 jours
Amazing! Thanks 🙏🏻
Kiamanawa Tini
Kiamanawa Tini Il y a 6 jours
Ashley Stahl ... 👍🏼🤎🖤Thank you xo
Musical Lady
Musical Lady Il y a 6 jours
Thank you so much...
Jack Black
Jack Black Il y a 6 jours
Why choose the Gucci belt? Just why?
Mr. Smiles
Mr. Smiles Il y a 7 jours
I don’t know no what I want and this is not what I’m looking for FRshow!
Jen Gildz
Jen Gildz Il y a 7 jours
Laura Watson
Laura Watson Il y a 7 jours
Her story gave me chills, thats scary stuff that is. Im glad she's okay to be honest. Absolutely broke my heart that they did that to them. 😅
Duncan Ratcliffe
Duncan Ratcliffe Il y a 6 jours
Try taking a You-turn and see how fearless you can be.
Brendon Peace
Brendon Peace Il y a 7 jours
This hit me in ways I can't even begin to describe. I am only now starting to figure out what I am meant to do in this world, but there are still so many things I am unsure of. I know what my dreams are but I don't know how to get there. But I will start looking further within myself for those answers.
Just Breathing
Just Breathing Il y a 7 jours
To be honest, I had always neglected dreaming big as I live in a really conservative family that doesn't even spend money on a girl's education but I have always loved movies and I would turn into the characters for a few weeks after watching something. A few months back while I was just imagining something and was totally lost in this character that I made up in my mind and I was literally crying as a play, I realized I want to be an actor, and then I really cried because there is NO WAY for me! *and now I'll never be satisfied unless I achieve it* I don't know why I dream while I was never told to dream, while everyone around me is okay with the thought of not having a purpose and choosing the path society decides for them. From where I live there is no way or support to even start pursuing that dream, I started ignoring this feeling but it grew on me, I couldn't even watch a film without analyzing the character, every part of their acting, going backward again and again to observe and mock their reactions, then go researching about the film and the actors their education how they are so good and all that I would do all this absentmindedly and when I would come to my senses, I would cry! because well, it's an end road to me. I am going to form my path so that I could at least reach somewhere I could learn the art of acting more profoundly and be able to audition on my own earnings, and I will never stop auditioning, well if I survive this dark depression I'm suffering with. I have always been scared of growing old, but acting seems to be a good way to grow old I don't even know why!
Akkahshh Agarwaal
Akkahshh Agarwaal Il y a 8 jours
"Perfectionism is the enemy of action." JUST GET STARTED.
Anthonia Asikpo
Anthonia Asikpo Il y a 5 jours
Thanks, I will
Anna Zumwalt
Anna Zumwalt Il y a 8 jours
Great video! Great tips! Thank you!
Lisa Sternenkind
Lisa Sternenkind Il y a 9 jours
Compassion for kidnappers and such, who traumatize the own parents. This woman has a psychological problem.
Oscar Kitchen
Oscar Kitchen Il y a 10 jours
Who else lost in life 🖐
Business Tips & Money Saving Advice
Business Tips & Money Saving Advice Il y a 10 jours
Inspiring words, love this vid, SUBSCRIBED!! Let's be FRshow friends?
arif ali
arif ali Il y a 10 jours
I need a piece of peace. Can anyone help me find a piece of it!?
Yaboy 9T1
Yaboy 9T1 Il y a 11 jours
Great speech !
S KRIEG Il y a 11 jours
It’s hard to listen to the advice “follow what feels good” spoken by someone with supporting, loving parents. Someone with this life experience doesn’t always comprehend that what feels like “home” can trick you if you’re not raised in attentive, loving family. Neglect, or pleasing others, or being treated badly can feel “good” because it feels like the home you came from. You can end up working for demanding bosses, who are never happy and literally drive you to sickness. It’s a longer harder road to finding a healthy path and living it. A lot of reading and soul-searching to discern healthy from what feels like “home” in the workplace, in relationships, etc. Recommend David Richo if anyone relates.
Lei Nav
Lei Nav Il y a 12 jours
That really hits me. All she says is that truth. Being perfectionist is just hiding that your afraid of mistakes and failure. I'm like that and this steps will surely help me. Thanks ❤️
Aswathy S Kumar
Aswathy S Kumar Il y a 12 jours
Well Said💯
Thembile Majafe
Thembile Majafe Il y a 12 jours
Thank you Ashley, this is gold!
Shalaka Kamat
Shalaka Kamat Il y a 12 jours
Whats with the dramatic introduction?
Ani Nichelle
Ani Nichelle Il y a 12 jours
How do I follow what feels good when what I've dreamt since I was a kid just gives me an unbearable feeling of guilt because I feel like I dont deserve it or im not good enough
UsN Aspect
UsN Aspect Il y a 12 jours
16:56 speaking about perfectionism :))) misspelled the word itself on the kid's mask :)) imagine doing that on purpose to match with the topic :)) (pretty sure it wasn't, but imagine :D)
UsN Aspect
UsN Aspect Il y a 9 jours
@CoachAshleyStahl smart job then, what can I say :))
CoachAshleyStahl Il y a 10 jours
It was :)
Ibrahim Jalloh
Ibrahim Jalloh Il y a 13 jours
Ibrahim Jalloh
Ibrahim Jalloh Il y a 13 jours
iSedma Il y a 13 jours
wasted 19 minutes of my life lol
Remy Il y a 13 jours
Something similar happened to me: So I spent my childhood in taiwan and then my dad got a phone call: scamer: We have your daughter and if you don't listen to us we will kill her. *btw this message was in chinese* Dad: my daughter is in canada scamer: are you sure you don't have any other daughters Dad: yea shes beside me *lmao*
Ksenia Y
Ksenia Y Il y a 14 jours
Okay, it’s in my recommended.
Journeys of Jade
Journeys of Jade Il y a 14 jours
I usually agree with Ted talks and in this one I mostly agree with what she said. But there are some things she missed in her perspective on this one. Sometimes when your next meal is a problem and you have several mouths to feed that really narrows down her point on view on being a realist and being a dreamer. Sometimes on the not so privileged ones you got to do what you got to do. I think the speaker consider this side also on her talk.
siddharth khandelwal
siddharth khandelwal Il y a 14 jours
Engaging and not waiting for miraculous perfection is my biggest takeaway! I feel a lot of us do understand and appreciate what we enjoy...fear of imperfection holds us back
Tricion Il y a 14 jours
i just play games and get good grades, so ima do what she said and hope that i can find something i like cause i will have to choose soon :(
satakshi gupta
satakshi gupta Il y a 15 jours
i love ted talks
Ashley Nicole
Ashley Nicole Il y a 16 jours
I am a perfectionist 😔 but I want to change ❣️ thank you for these videos, they are inspirational 💖
HARSH BHARGAVA Il y a 16 jours
I am a Computer Science graduate and just left my job to follow my dream job to be Data Analyst but I actually studying psychology but have no certification and also now when my father has spent so much on me I don't want to be a burden on him so a bit confused what to do should I get a job to have a earning or try for my passion even though the more I stay unemployed the more burden it will put on him ? I read all those talk about doing what you love but when you have a risk of being ending up with nothing to feed yourself how can you actually think about passion or what you love especially when what you love can't give you a single penny instead will need you to spend more on educating yourself or get certified in it so a bit confused now should I take a break from my passion and dedicate myself getting a job and then when have enough income use the money and if this is the way how to motivate or inspire myself to concentrate on getting that job when you haven't actually been so good in that field which can actually pay you ? Any suggestions
Venkat Thammanaboina
Venkat Thammanaboina Il y a 17 jours
Nice one
A R Il y a 18 jours
I needed this. Thank you for your courage and hard work to prepare this and present it. Don’t worry, your messages were loud and clear. I’m a singer/songwriter that always compares myself and it clearly hampers my productivity. Because, I am also a perfectionist. This presentation was inspiring and imperative for people like me who are idle because we’re too picky. Thank you so much for helping me move my needle forward.
Cinnamon Girl
Cinnamon Girl Il y a 19 jours
many of us have to factor in how to pay for this life we want to live, and that's where it all comes to a stop and we enter the grind of working and paying bills.
M Kelly
M Kelly Il y a 17 heures
My thinking exactly!
Bridgette Militar
Bridgette Militar Il y a 21 jour
Nobody talks about the thought about the kidnappers. That in the end she understands them
Make Money Online
Make Money Online Il y a 21 jour
*TEDx Talks* Real Case Study of Myself How I Made $21160 In 2 Months With Super Affiliate System? by Spending Less Than $500 On The Ads >>>..
Epik Hell Sword
Epik Hell Sword Il y a 21 jour
Epik Hell Sword
Epik Hell Sword Il y a 21 jour
Thank you for the talk. I'll be thinking about this.
Christina Renée
Christina Renée Il y a 23 jours
So good!
B. Colwell
B. Colwell Il y a 23 jours
Omg is this a joke? I was not ready for this. ** edit ** Wt actual fuu -- I am not following her line of thinking. I mean, okay she is a genius clearly. Published author, podcaster, former counter-terrorist and current career coach, all by the age of 21 apparently. I was definitely not ready for this.
Laxmi Maurya
Laxmi Maurya Il y a 24 jours
This is so amazing!!!
Yuki Il y a 24 jours
I'm on my way to a job interview and I feel suffocation🥴 I already know it's not for me, but I feel there is no other way. How wrong am I?
GinaJo Il y a 24 jours
❤️ Ted talks. This definitely has sparked something in me to free myself (like she said). My patterns of self sabotage have to come to an end, starting today!
The Benster
The Benster Il y a 24 jours
I really needed this!
Alexandra Gonek
Alexandra Gonek Il y a 24 jours
Wow. Thankyou for sharing. I’m about to start this journey of mine, in Mexico. I excepted a position late August to start online teaching in Canada, still waiting to get my flight to fly down there and continue teaching online there. I’m a first year teacher, and I’ll be starting my career in this storm of Covid 19, and with my chin held high. I learned some thing about this joy journal that you were talking about. My friend has something similar that she just wrote down positive quotes or positive thoughts that came to her in a day, and she would refer back to this journal when she was upset or not having a great day. Finding what feels good is not always easy, with all the litter Of distractions. I hope to create a new path for me while I start my new career, my new life down in Mexico, learn a new language, and discover who I am. I’m not sure what I want, but I hope to discover what makes me feel good inside and hold onto those things as long as I can. Thanks again
The Real Rosie Ruiz
The Real Rosie Ruiz Il y a 25 jours
Oh shut up with you fake emotion and acting. Just speak normally you dummy.
Ekta Gambhir
Ekta Gambhir Il y a 25 jours
11 min passed, when does she actually jumps to the title of the talk???
Epik Hell Sword
Epik Hell Sword Il y a 19 jours
She answers it at 13:45 with that one sentence
Teresa Apuzzo
Teresa Apuzzo Il y a 26 jours
The really sad thing about these comments is that you missed the whole point. What I heard was a way to look at YOUR life, not a commentary on how the police handled it. Do the police make mistakes?... yes, but I believe this was intended to help you look at your own life instead of taking you to a place for you to scrutinize other people.
Er Z
Er Z Il y a 26 jours
well i know what i love, but no one is going to pay me for doing calisthenics
Epik Hell Sword
Epik Hell Sword Il y a 19 jours
Chris Heria, Jeff Cavalire, JaxBlade, TaoPhysique and SO many others prove that wrong. Not to mention gymnasts, dancers, fighters, performers, and basically tons of people in the fitness industry would like to disagree.
Jazmin Chew
Jazmin Chew Il y a 26 jours
She just killed me 😂
Tono Barona
Tono Barona Il y a 27 jours
Such a powerful message being delivered here.
Chandler Kitching
Chandler Kitching Il y a 27 jours
Another common one is people not wanting to log into their 401k account and check the balance because they are worried they don't have enough for retirement
Dan Wu
Dan Wu Il y a 27 jours
Call him back
Dan Wu
Dan Wu Il y a 27 jours
I fear my exhousemate isbplotting to rob me.a lot of anger in him n tension in me.dont see each other eye to eye. Should i
mariel g
mariel g Il y a 28 jours
mind blowing
KinGogo Il y a 28 jours
19 minutes i will never get back
Za Az
Za Az Il y a mois
I thought this was an emotional talk. I teared up on the story... but I'm pretty empathetic... that word is interpreted two different ways by two different types of people.
Katelyn Greer
Katelyn Greer Il y a mois
Rewatching to refill my cup!
Abhi I
Abhi I Il y a mois
Sometimes I wan a excel in my career tat n sometimes my biological clock says I she b married and mother of a child..same mind wants to travel to unknown places n explore the world..what do i do !
Amani Ndoroma
Amani Ndoroma Il y a mois
This is great insight .
Stannie Petkov
Stannie Petkov Il y a mois
I like how perfectionism is not perfectly written...
yadadoo1234 yo'll
yadadoo1234 yo'll Il y a mois
What does she mean by "Do what feels good to you" or something. Isn't that the same as your passion, the thing that makes you feel good? Or does it mean doing what your comfortable with?
Nelly Ramos
Nelly Ramos Il y a mois
I really wanna know how can I discover what I really want, what I need. I wanna be successful
Ferdine Reese Mand
Ferdine Reese Mand Il y a mois
"So many of us choose college majors just to make ourselves survive...." Damn that got me teary eyed, cuz' that's what I felt in the past...
Alexandra Khan
Alexandra Khan Il y a mois
I needed this.
Timothy Girard
Timothy Girard Il y a mois
Can i just cry for a living? I'm really good at that.
Miss Dee
Miss Dee Il y a mois
I want to do lot of things but don’t know where and how to start specially when you’re in poverty
Myke Buechele
Myke Buechele Il y a mois
Powerful video
Dhruv Zala
Dhruv Zala Il y a mois
I cried after many days
Stephanie Snyder
Stephanie Snyder Il y a mois
I needed this right now. ❤️
Etu Chatterjee
Etu Chatterjee Il y a mois
Best career video
nikkij55 Il y a mois
Whoa. She is talking to me
Melat A.
Melat A. Il y a mois
Tigr Lon
Tigr Lon Il y a mois
Bangtan army #BTS is love
Bangtan army #BTS is love Il y a 23 jours
Good luck. 👍🤞💜😊
Hannah William
Hannah William Il y a 29 jours
Best wishes to you ❤️
anya dedios
anya dedios Il y a mois
i'll see you too as well.
Feather Lee
Feather Lee Il y a mois
me too!
Aila Sousa
Aila Sousa Il y a mois
I often ask my self if doing something that I like instead of one I don't, is the right thing to do, 'cause, you know, isn't life supposed to be hard and struggling? And you only succeed when you fight hard for it? I truly don't know 😔 everything is so messed up ;-;
Ed Il y a mois
I got 2 minutes into this and realized that all I really want, is to stop listeneing to yet another self centered princess. Good job, and thank you for helping me realize what I want in record time.
Andrew Galpern
Andrew Galpern Il y a mois
That belt is by Gucci and costs $475.
Adam Diamond
Adam Diamond Il y a mois
I struggle figuring out what I really want and dream for
Pastel Pink123
Pastel Pink123 Il y a mois
8:00 those people are psychos
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